Lesson 327: "Love Without Blaming -- Pray Without Doubting"
While driving along trying to stay awake I turned on the radio in time to hear a young girl’s call to the pastor-radio-talk-show with a concern about her doubts. Her story began with the divorce of her parents causing her to doubt the longevity of her own marriage even before the ceremony. The subject then shifted to this girl (we will call her Shelly) placing blame on her parents’ pastor and the entire church congregation for her mother and dad’s divorce. She stated that no one, especially the pastor, offered help to prevent the separation. During the course of the radio session, Shelly brought in the fact that her father-in-law of four years was then and now the pastor in question. She doubts now that she and her new husband can continue to attend this church although her parents no longer go there.
Looking ahead to her future she doubts her pastor-father-in-law could or would help her if she and her husband threatened divorce. She is “waiting” to start her desired family, not wanting her children to bear the same pain and disappointment as she is suffering if in the future she and hubby should separate. This is a true, tearful story that I have shortened for the benefit of this study. Now understand I was not part of this conversation and Shelly nor the radio host could hear me, but since I never miss an opportunity to answer spiritual/biblical questions, I just yelled out my answers to the on-coming traffic. After all this was a Christian “call and ask” program so I felt free to jump right in and help answer.
My first response to Shelly was, “get over yourself”! “It’s not all about you all the time”! You may be thinking this answer is mean but read the first part of this again. Did you read any hint of Shelly’s love or compassion for her parents? Did you read about any thankfulness toward her church family or her father-in-law or her parents for the beautiful wedding shower and ceremony? Most importantly did you hear her mention asking God to remove her doubts and restore her love? Did you read about her sitting down with her husband and his dad to discuss her fears in the four years she has been married?
God gives wisdom to anyone who asks, without finding fault in those who ask, but when we ask we must believe and not doubt (James 1:5-6). Shelly has so much bitterness in her heart that it almost seems she believes it is she that has been persecuted by her parents’ divorce and her pastor’s lack of interest so first she must pray (Matt. 5:44). “A new command I give you! Love one another” (John 13:34) so the second thing to do after praying without doubt is to restore love. “The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control” (Gal: 5:22). “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you” (Col. 3:13). These people in Shelly’s life may not even know the blame she holds against them and the doubt she has about her own life.
To all the Shelly’s out there! Get help! Talk it out (Matt. 5:23-24, Matt. 18:15-17) and “if at all possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” (Rom. 12:18).